Today was one of those days. My boys exposed and stomped on every nerve I have, my daughter has cried and thrown more fits than ever, my demons (see anxiety/bipolar) put up an extra hard fight, I didn’t get even half the stuff I wanted done today, and the list goes on. It’s definitely been a count the minutes to bedtime type of day. Even that is kind of a catch 22 since I’m dreading tomorrow being Monday already.
On days like today I try and sit and think about the good things to try and drown out the bad. I’m lucky to have healthy beautiful kids even though they’ve been assholes, I have a house, and a job, my demons fought but they didn’t win, my kids lost cartoon privileges so we spent the day watching the Mummy and Solo which they ended up enjoying. Parenting win am I right?
Anyway I’m not really sure what the point of this post was, writing is kind of a release I guess and maybe someone who reads this has a shitty day and now they know they’re not alone? As always thanks for reading even posts like these where it’s just kind of me rambling on.
It’s funny how quickly things can change. One minute you’re happy and where you want to be then boom things do a 180 And you’re left trying to make sense at all.
Recently I’ve dealt with some changes at work. Decisions were made for me that I wasn’t given a choice in and honestly it sucks. We will just say I was where I wanted to be and now I’m not. It’s incredibly discouraging but what do you do? I mean I could walk away and honestly there are moments where I wish I could but there’s that annoying thing called adulting which makes walking away not really an option.
I have people that depend on me, four to be exact, my kids and my husband. We could probably slide by on just my husbands income but we wouldn’t really be living. We’ve done the barely scraping by thing and I don’t ever want to go back to that. We’re in a pretty good spot right now, we both make decent money which allows us to go to Disneyland a few times a year or buy our kids a new video game. More importantly we can pay our bills and still buy food, so I have to power through. This is the first time in a long time we can turn on the heater and not worry about if we’ll be able to pay the bill so I have to power through.
Getting up and going to work everyday is going to feel different now. Most people aren’t fortunate enough to do what they are truly passionate about but even just enjoying what you do can make a world of difference. I’ve never been one of the lucky ones to make a living out of what I love but I did enjoy what I was doing. When it comes to passion, for me, it’s always been writing. If I could make money off this little old blog here that would be the life. However that is just a dream and I have to live in the real world which means waking up and going to do something that isn’t horrible by any means but that I don’t enjoy. I will just have to suck it up and power through.
Don’t worry about me though, someday my mom is going to win the Powerball she told me so 😉. Then I’ll be writing this blog from one of our vacation homes not far from Disneyland. Hey if you’re going to dream, dream big right?